I have been betrayed. A few days ago I met up with the people working on this multi-part documentary about how great I am only to be told there’s going to be a huge wait until the final episode. Luckily I pre-empted them pulling something like this and had a back-up plan for an easy-to-film part which would have fitted in just perfectly.

Although it took some persuasion they promised me they’d sort it out and have it ready to go up in a fortnight and on being handed the draft they seemed happy with it. Much to my surprise –and I suppose I have to give them credit for this- they sent me what looked like a draft of the episode without doing any filming. Perhaps warning bells should have started ringing but as we have a lot of unused footage I just assumed they found everything they needed already in the can.

I then watched this excuse for a draft only to be appalled so much I had to rush off for a shit. What they’d done is filmed the meeting we had and edited it to make me look like a warped, deranged and demanding arsehole – ‘editing trickery’ I think is the correct term for that. But it doesn’t stop there, in assuming I’d notice the somewhat short duration of the episode they padded it out with a selection of footage I specifically asked them not to use as it is clearly below par.

Purely for the purposes of showing you just what I have to work with I have included this awful, hideous film below. Prepare to be appalled.

(PS as this is the first real blog we’ve posted we’d like to clarify this is Ted talking ‘in character’, but yeah subtlety isn’t Ted’s thing so you should have noticed!)

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